Mistake
by swagmoney
Summary: Dean gets drunk and Cas follows him to the bar. Warning: mentions of major character death. I'm sorry for my crappy writing uwu


The thick fog of laughter and spirits settled around Dean's shoulders as he took another swig of his beer. He knew how predictable he was being, turning to the cold embrace of alcohol when life got a little rough, but he couldn't find it in him to care. Cradling the bottle, he sighed and shook his head. "Dammit, Cas, I told you not to follow me."

The angel stared down at his hands, firmly clasped on the stained wood of the bar counter. "Dean, I-"

He cut him off and ran a rough palm over his face. "Please, just don't, okay?" He signaled with a careless gesture for the barkeep to bring over another drink.

He thought it was quiet he wanted, but it was clawing away at his throat and he couldn't contain it anymore. "Why him?" Dean asked to no one in particular, the silence lacing regret into his broken soul and his voice crumbling with the resolve of an abandoned home. "Of all the people it could have been, why did he have to be the one to the damn world?"

His fist found relief in the wooden countertop, their drinks quivering in fear. "This isn't how it's supposed to be! He got out. He had a chance to be normal for once in his life and I dragged him back into this mess and now he's gone." The thin line separating sorrow and rage blurred as Dean shoved himself away from the bar. As he made his way to the door, he knocked over a table and a pair of chairs, frightening a young couple. He fumbled with the keys to his baby for a minute, but the shaking in his hands crippled him. A pair of hands gently pulled them away and led him over to the passenger seat. Once he was secured in safely, Cas slid behind the steering wheel with an odd sense of familiarity.

Once he has calmed down a bit, the absurdity of his angel being a designated driver caused his face to adapt a manner of incredulity. Cas caught him staring and offered a simple "When I was human I realized the necessity of acquiring the, admittedly complicated, skill of driving a car" as way of explanation.

Save for some chuckling at the hands of a drunken man, the duration of the drive was cloaked in screaming silence. When they pulled up to the ramshackle excuse of a hotel they were staying at, Dean stumbled out of the car, his legs as dysfunctional and unsteady as the rest of him. His legs gave out and just as he was about to kiss the cold surface of the pavement, the same pair of hands that had taken the keys pulled him upright until he was leaning on the angel. He helped Dean shuffle to the room and began to search his coat for the key. As he ducked his head to his chest in concentration, a bit of ebony hair swung into eyes so blue they melted your insides. Maybe it was the alcohol talking and maybe he'd regret it in the morning but he couldn't keep himself from tilting Cas's head up and seeking solace in his lips.

Cas tensed up for a few moments but eventually melted into the kiss, pressing his body against Dean's. He fumbled with the roomkey for a moment before shoving the door open and pulling his hunter inside.

…

Cas lazily stretched his arm across rumpled bed sheets to where his lover had lied the previous night, but jolted forward when his fingertips met only cold fabric. His heart slowed to a soft patter when he saw him sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to him, but as he turned around to face him, the expression on his face stopped him cold. "Dean?" he asked, squinting against the sunlight.

Dean put his head in his hands. "I'm sorry, Cas."

Confusing knit his brows together as he watched the hunter carefully. "For what?"

"For last night. It was a mistake."

He never had thought it to be possible, but upon hearing those words, he felt his heart break into a million microscopic constellations. "What do you mean? It was amazing."

"I know it was but-"

"But nothing. I had the time of my life. Nothing in the world could possibly change that."

Dean sighed and stared at him with possibly the worst emotion in the world: regret. "I was hurting and I used you to deal with that and I'm sorry."

Cas felt as if he had been slapped. "I've been around since man was nothing but a thought in the mind of God. I could smite you with a flick of my wrist and I if I want to engage in sexual intercourse with a man I'm attracted to, then so be it." Dean opened his mouth to respond, but the angel cut him off. "And I'm tired of you acting like you're the only person affected by Sam's death. He was my friend, too, Dean! So, stop throwing yourself a pity party and start acting like an adult."

He stared at his angel with a sad expression on his face. "What do you want me to do, Cas? You're an angel, for christ's sake. My brother just died to save my life and now this great celestial being is telling me he's attracted to me and _I don't know what to do._"

"Well, you could start but getting your ass back in bed."

"Why me, Cas? Why do you want me, of all people? I'm a sinner. I don't deserve you, not one bit."

Cas crawled forward until their knees met. "I love you, Dean Winchester. I love the way your eyes sparkle when the sun hits them. I love your smile and I love your nose. I love the way you spend hours making your car work perfectly and the way you're loyal to a fault. But most of all, I love your kind and selfless heart. You put everyone before yourself and when you care about someone, you give them everything you have. I love you, Dean. There's no man I'd rather be with, past present or future." He leaned forward and kissed him slowly. "Now, will you please come back to bed?"

As they cuddled underneath the covers, Dean smirked. "You know, it's kind of hot when you get all dominant like that."

The angel pulled him into a rough kiss that left them gasping for air. "Round two?" he asked, smiling in a way that would've been innocent had Dean not known better.

"Oh hell yes," he muttered, pulling his lover close, as if he never wanted to let him go again.


End file.
